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"All I wanted was
compliance with my wishes after a reasonable
discussion." --- Winston Churchill |
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"All you need is
trust and a little bit of pixie dust." --- Peter Pan |
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"Don't sweat the
petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff." --- George
Carlin |
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"Failure is the
opportunity to try again more intelligently." --- Henry
Ford |
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"For every person
with a spark of genius, there are a hundred with
ignition trouble." --- Kurt Hanks |
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"Great minds are
always misunderstood." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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"Great spirits have
always encountered violent opposition from mediocre
minds. The latter cannot understand it when a man does
not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but
honestly and courageously uses his intelligence." ---
Albert Einstein |
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"Hmm ... what a
concept" coupled with the 10 simplest words in the
world... "If it is to be it is up to me." |
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"Hope is the thing
with feathers that perches in the soul, and sings the
tunes without words and never stops at all." --- Emily
Dickinson |
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"I believe you are
being a bit economical with the truth." --- Mark Twain |
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"I have a plan so
cunning that (A) a fox on scholarship at Oxford wouldn't
get it or (B) you could pin a tail on it and call it a
weasel." --- The Black Adder |
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"I have been
through some terrible things in my life, some of which
actually happened." --- Mark Twain |
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"I have nothing but
respect for you, and very little of that!" --- Groucho
Marx |
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"I will save your
sole. I will heel you. I will even dye for you." ---
Shoe Cobbler |
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"If everyone's
thinking alike, then no one's thinking!" --- General
George S. Patton |
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"If we knew what it
was we were doing, it would not be called research,
would it?" --- Albert Einstein |
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"If we were meant
to talk more than we listen, we would have two mouths
and one ear." --- Mark Twain |
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"If you ain't the
lead dog, the scenery never changes." --- Louis Grizzard |
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"If you don't
drink, don't smoke and don't fool around you won't live
forever but it'll feel that way." |
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Mark Twain |
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"If you want to
gather honey, don't kick over the beehive." --- Dale
Carnegie |
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"I'm not a smart
man, but I know what love is." --- Forest Gump |
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"It is often better
to keep one's mouth shut and appear stupid than to open
it and remove all doubt." |
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Mark Twain |
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"It's a job. Grass
grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people
up." --- Muhammad Ali |
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"Let us endeavor so
to live that when we come to die even the undertaker
will be sorry." --- Mark Twain |
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"Marriage is a
great institution, but I'm not ready for an
institution." --- Mae West |
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"Never eat more
than you can lift." --- Miss Piggy |
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"Never pass up the
chance to 'shut up'." --- Mark Twain |
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"Nobody eats there
anymore. It's too crowded." --- Yogi Berra |
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"Nothing is
infinite, except the universe and stupid people, and
sometimes, I doubt the universe."
--- Albert Einstein |
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"One fourth of the
people of the world are against everything 100% of the
time." --- Robert Kennedy |
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"Outside of a dog,
a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too
dark to read." --- Groucho Marx |
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"Risk takers often
fail. So do morons. In practice, it's difficult to sort
them out." --- S. Adams |
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"Science without
religion is lame. Religion without science is blind."
--- Albert Einstein |
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"Sleep...the most
beautiful experience in life--except drink." W.C.
Fields |
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"The game is to say
something old with new words." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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"The mind is not a
vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled." ---
Plutarch |
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"There's a reason
the road less traveled is the road less traveled." ---
Jerry Seinfeld |
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"Thinking is the
hardest work there is, which is the probable reason so
few people engage in it."
--- Henry Ford |
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"Time's fun when
you're having flies." --- Kermit the Frog |
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"To be born free is
an accident. To live free is a privilege. To die free is
a responsibility."
--- Brig. Gen. Robby Risner (Ret.) |
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"Two things are
infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not
sure about the universe."
--- Albert Einstein |
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"What lies behind
us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to
what lies within us."
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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"Who are you going
to believe, me or your own eyes?" --- Groucho Marx |
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"Women are like tea
bags. You never know how strong they are until they get
into hot water."
--- E. Roosevelt |
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"You cannot make
the weak stronger by making the strong weaker." ---
Abraham Lincoln |
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42.8 % of all
statistics are made up on the spot. |
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50% of the things
people say about and 50% of the things people hear about
is 100% none of your business. |
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90% of life is
showing up. |
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99% of the people
who cause accidents are idiots, and 99% of the idiots
are caused by accidents. |
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A bad day at the
golf course is better than a good day at the office. |
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A bad day fishing
beats any day at work. |
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A bend in the road
is not the end of the road, unless you fail to make the
turn. |
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A benny urned is
benny saved. |
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A bulldog can whip
a skunk, but it is not worth it. |
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A clean house is a
sign of a misspent life. |
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A clear conscience
is usually the sign of a bad memory. |
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A day above the
dirt is another good day! |
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A diplomat is a man
who always remembers a woman's birthday, but never
remembers her age. |
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A dog is a dog,
unless he is facing you. Then, he is Mr. Dog. |
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A dog is the only
true love that money can buy. |
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A good engineer
will go to any amount of effort to avoid extra effort. |
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A good leader is a
guy who can step on your toes without messing up your
shine. |
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A good man is like
a mystery novel. He has a great cover and is full of
surprises inside. |
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A ladybug is lucky,
and to bug a lady is not. |
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A man has to have
something to believe in. I believe I'll have another
beer. |
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A man should stay
alive, if only out of curiosity. |
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A man wrapped up in
himself makes a very small bundle. |
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A moment on the
lips... a lifetime on the hips. |
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A one-eyed man is
king in the Land of the Blind! |
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A pat on the back
is only a few centimeters away from a kick in the a$$. |
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A ship is safe in
the harbor, but one does not build a ship to sit in the
harbor. |
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A single
conversation across the table with a wise man is worth a
month's study of books. |
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A small mind and a
big mouth are usually found in the same place. |
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A smile is a curve
that sets everything straight. |
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A smile is the most
important thing you put on in the morning. |
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A teacher is
someone who makes sure that when kids grow up, they have
the basic reading and writing skills to criticize the
education budget and send angry letters to the school
board. |
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A turtle never gets
anywhere unless it sticks its neck out! |
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A war over religion
is like fighting over who has the best imaginary friend. |
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A wet bird never
flies north. |
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A wise man knows
his ignorance. A fool thinks he knows everything. |
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A wise man once
said, "I don't know. Go ask a woman." |
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A wise man
understands that he should always have more sense than
dollars. |
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A word is the skin
of a living thought. |
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Abstinence is best
when taken in moderation. |
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Accept that some
days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. |
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After all is said
and done, there is usually more said than done. |
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Age is mind over
matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter. |
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Ah, brain
cramp...nothing's coming! Maybe tomorrow. |
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All I've got is a
red guitar, three chords and the truth. |
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All of these
moments will be lost in time, like teardrops in the
rain. |
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All saints have a
past, and all sinners have a future. |
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All that is
necessary for evil to triumph is that good men do
nothing. |
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Always be a live
wire, and you’ll never get stepped on. |
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Always drink up
stream from the herd! |
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Always look out for
#1, but be careful not to step in #2. |
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Always remember
that Hell is un-cool. |
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Always remember you
are unique, just like everyone else. |
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Amateurs built the
ark. Professionals built the Titanic. |
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American by
birth...Southern by the grace of God. |
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An idiot with a
computer is a faster, better idiot! |
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And how did I know
you were lying? Your lips were moving. |
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And that affects me
how? |
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And which dwarf are
you? |
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And you're telling
me this because...? |
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Any monkey can turn
a wrench. A straight 'A' student would have to read a
book on it and ask why before he could do it. |
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Anyone can grab a
tiger by the tail. The difference between a fool and a
genius is knowing
what to do next! |
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Are the kids asleep
yet? |
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Are we having fun
yet? |
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Are we there yet? |
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Are you in or out? |
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Are you ready for a
Miracle? |
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Are you someone's
guardian angel today? |
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As much as you
might want to, sometimes it's better not to make fun of
the stupid! |
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Ask a better
question, you will get a better answer. |
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Ask not what your
country can do for you, but what you can do for your
country. |
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At the fountain of
knowledge most are content with just a sip. |
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Attitudes are
contagious. Is yours worth catching? |
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Average is not good
enough. It's just as close to best as it is to the
worst. |
