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Indecision may or
may not be my problem! |
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Insanity takes its
toll. Please have correct change! |
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Intelligence has
its limits. Stupidity hasn't found its bounds yet. |
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Intelligence is
what you do when you don't know what to do. |
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It ain't over,
until the pathologist says it is. |
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It doesn’t take a
mental giant to be a criminal. |
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It doesn't matter
where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home. |
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It is better to be
pissed off than pissed on! |
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It is better to be
silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove
all doubt. |
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It is better to
burn out than fade away. |
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It is better to
give others a piece of your heart than a piece of your
mind. |
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It is well to
remember that the whole universe, with one trifling
exception, is composed of others. |
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It isn't cheating
if she is in a different area code. |
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It may be the early
bird that catches the worm, but it's the second mouse
that gets the cheese! |
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It may be your sole
purpose in life is to simply serve as a warning to
others. |
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It only makes sense
when you infer what I imply. |
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It should be a law
that all stupid people stay home when I go out. |
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It’s easier to ask
forgiveness than to ask for permission. |
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It’s nice to be
important, but it’s more important to be nice. |
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It’s unfortunate
ignorance isn't painful. |
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It's a dog eat dog
world, and I'm wearing milkbone underwear! |
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It's a hardware
glitch. We don't make miostakes. |
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It's all about mind
over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. |
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It's better to be
"looked over" than be "overlooked"! |
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It's easier to ask
forgiveness than to ask for permission. |
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It's hard to
remember you came to drain the swamp, when you're up to
your rear in alligators. |
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It's MY WAY or the
highway! |
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It's nice to be
important, but it's more important to be nice. |
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It's not a six
pack. It's a support group! |
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It's not how deep
you fish. It's how you wiggle your worm. |
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It's not that life
is so short. It's that you’re dead for so long! |
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It's not the fall
but the sudden stop that hurts you. |
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It's not wise to
argue with a 900 pound Gorilla about the ownership of
bananas. |
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It's the same exact
thing, only different. |
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I've never lost. I
was just a little behind when time ran out. |
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I've never met a
crook that fished. |
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Just because I
can't have it all doesn't mean I don't WANT it all! |
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Just because you're
not paranoid doesn't mean everyone's not out to get you! |
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Just what the world
needs: another lawyer. |
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Just when you feel
down about yourself, turn on Jerry Springer! |
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Just when you think
you have everything foolproof, you find a really
talented fool. |
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Just when you think
you have it all figured out, the rules change. Life is
full of bumps and curves. Hang on and enjoy the ride! |
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Keep working.
Millions on welfare depend on you. |
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Kids are what make
us old and keep us young. |
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Kids can be a
handful, but always a heart full. |
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Kids in the
backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat
cause kids. |
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KISS...Keep It
Simple Stupid! |
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Leaders are like
eagles. They don't flock. You find them one at a time. |
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Learn from the
mistakes of others. You will not live long enough to
make them all yourself. |
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Let them that don’t
want none have memories of not getting any. |
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And, let that not
be their punishment, but their reward. |
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Let's go. We're
burning sunlight. |
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Life can only be
understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. |
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Life is a stage you
walk across only once. STRUT! |
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Life is hard by the
yard, but by the inch it’s a cinch. |
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Life is just a bowl
of queries. |
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Life is like a
bicycle. You don't fall off, unless you stop pedaling. |
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Life is like a bowl
of cherries, but why so many pits? |
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Life is like a hang
glider. There will always be ups and downs, but in order
to land you must first fly. |
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Life is like a
kiss. We can think of it, dream of it, but we can't
fully enjoy it unless we share it with someone else. |
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Life is like a
mirror. Frown, and it frowns with you. Laugh, and it
returns the greeting. |
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Life is like a roll
of toilet paper. It's only so long, and can only be used
once. |
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Life is like a
sewer. What you get out of it depends upon what you put
into it! |
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Life is like an
Interstate System. Your destiny depends on what exit you
get off. |
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Life is like
sandpaper... rough! |
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Life is like the
mail. Sometimes, you just don't get it. |
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Life is not a
spectator sport. |
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Life is the process
of getting used to the unexpected. |
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Life is too short
for lite beer. |
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Life is too short
to be a jerk! |
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Life is too short
to dance with ugly girls. |
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Life is tough, but
it's tougher if you're stupid. |
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Life isn't measured
by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments
that take our breath away. |
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Life's a garden.
Dig it! |
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Life's too short to
waste and too long to haste. |
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Live life as an
exclamation, not an explanation. |
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Live life like
you'll live to be 100, but have your bags packed. You
may be leaving tomorrow! |
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Live so your
autograph will be wanted, not your fingerprints. |
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Live your life so
that you wouldn't be afraid to give your parrot to the
town gossip. |
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Looking for a good
woman is like searching for a parking spot. All the good
ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped. |
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Love and a cough
cannot be hid. |
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Love is like a
butterfly. It goes wherever it pleases, and it pleases
wherever it goes. |
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Love is what you
want. Reality is what you get! |
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Make barbeque, not
war. |
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Make each day THE
day. |
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Make something
idiot proof, and they will build a better idiot. |
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Man may have
discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with
it! |
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Many a sweet tune
was played on an old fiddle. |
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Marriage has a way
of making you want your rib back. |
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Marriage is like a
box of candy. You have to buy the whole box to get one
little piece! |
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Marriage is like a
vaccination...after a few, one should work. |
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May I always be the
kind of person my dog thinks I am. |
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May the best of the
past be the worse of tomorrow. |
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May the sun always
shine upon your face and the wind be forever at your
back. |
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May you always find
three welcomes in life…in a garden during summer, at a
fireside during winter,
and whatever the day or season in the kind eyes of a
friend. |
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May you be in
Heaven 15 minutes before the Devil knows your dead. ---
Irish Proverb |
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May your heart's
flame be your guiding light! |
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Men are from
Marseilles. Women are from Venice. |
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Men are like a bus.
One comes along every 5 minutes. |
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Men are like
pantyhose...just when you need them most, they run. |
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Merely because the
law permits us to make fools of ourselves does not mean
that we have to take advantage of every opportunity
presented to us for doing so. |
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Might as well enjoy
life. You can't get out alive. |
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Minds are like
parachutes. They only function when open. |
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Mom doesn't mean
"Made Of Money". |
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Mom was right.
Three more years and I could have been a lawyer. |
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Music washes away
from the soul the dust of everyday living. |
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My dead grandmother
skates better than you! |
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My goal in life is
to amass a large assortment of interesting stories.
Since I have already amassed quite a few I suppose I
should amass some more. |
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My ice seems a bit
dry. It's time for another drink! |
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My karma ran over
my dogma. |
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My life must smell
better than yours. You can't seem to keep your nose out
of it. |
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My life would be
perfect, if I just had a few more hours in the day. |
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My problem lies in
reconciling my gross habits with my net income. |
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My reality check
bounced. |
