05

Robin Hood Turns Butcher



NOW AFTER all these things had happened, and it became known

to Robin Hood how the Sheriff had tried three times to make

him captive, he said to himself, "If I have the chance,

I will make our worshipful Sheriff pay right well for that

which he hath done to me. Maybe I may bring him some time into

Sherwood Forest and have him to a right merry feast with us."

For when Robin Hood caught a baron or a squire, or a fat abbot

or bishop, he brought them to the greenwood tree and feasted

them before he lightened their purses.



But in the meantime Robin Hood and his band lived quietly in Sherwood Forest,

without showing their faces abroad, for Robin knew that it would

not be wise for him to be seen in the neighborhood of Nottingham,

those in authority being very wroth with him. But though they

did not go abroad, they lived a merry life within the woodlands,

spending the days in shooting at garlands hung upon a willow wand at the end

of the glade, the leafy aisles ringing with merry jests and laughter:

for whoever missed the garland was given a sound buffet, which, if delivered

by Little John, never failed to topple over the unfortunate yeoman.

Then they had bouts of wrestling and of cudgel play, so that every day

they gained in skill and strength.



Thus they dwelled for nearly a year, and in that time Robin Hood

often turned over in his mind many means of making an even score

with the Sheriff. At last he began to fret at his confinement;

so one day he took up his stout cudgel and set forth to seek adventure,

strolling blithely along until he came to the edge of Sherwood. There, as he

rambled along the sunlit road, he met a lusty young butcher driving

a fine mare and riding in a stout new cart, all hung about with meat.

Merrily whistled the Butcher as he jogged along, for he was going

to the market, and the day was fresh and sweet, making his heart

blithe within him.



"Good morrow to thee, jolly fellow," quoth Robin, "thou seemest

happy this merry morn."



"Ay, that am I," quoth the jolly Butcher, "and why should I not be so?

Am I not hale in wind and limb? Have I not the bonniest lass

in all Nottinghamshire? And lastly, am I not to be married to her

on Thursday next in sweet Locksley Town?"



"Ha," said Robin, "comest thou from Locksley Town? Well do I know

that fair place for miles about, and well do I know each hedgerow

and gentle pebbly stream, and even all the bright little fishes therein,

for there I was born and bred. Now, where goest thou with thy meat,

my fair friend?"



"I go to the market at Nottingham Town to sell my beef and my mutton,"

answered the Butcher. "But who art thou that comest from Locksley Town?"



"A yeoman am I, and men do call me Robin Hood."



"Now, by Our Lady's grace," cried the Butcher, "well do I know thy name,

and many a time have I heard thy deeds both sung and spoken of.

But Heaven forbid that thou shouldst take aught of me!

An honest man am I, and have wronged neither man nor maid;

so trouble me not, good master, as I have never troubled thee."



"Nay, Heaven forbid, indeed," quoth Robin, "that I should take from

such as thee, jolly fellow! Not so much as one farthing would I

take from thee, for I love a fair Saxon face like thine right well--

more especially when it cometh from Locksley Town, and most especially

when the man that owneth it is to marry a bonny lass on Thursday next.

But come, tell me for what price thou wilt sell me all of thy meat

and thy horse and cart."



"At four marks do I value meat, cart, and mare," quoth the Butcher,

"but if I do not sell all my meat I will not have four marks in value."



Then Robin Hood plucked the purse from his girdle, and quoth he,

"Here in this purse are six marks. Now, I would fain be a butcher

for the day and sell my meat in Nottingham Town. Wilt thou close

a bargain with me and take six marks for thine outfit?"



"Now may the blessings of all the saints fall on thine honest head!"

cried the Butcher right joyfully, as he leaped down from his cart

and took the purse that Robin held out to him.



"Nay," quoth Robin, laughing loudly, "many do like me and wish

me well, but few call me honest. Now get thee gone back

to thy lass, and give her a sweet kiss from me." So saying,

he donned the Butcher's apron, and, climbing into the cart,

he took the reins in his hand and drove off through the forest

to Nottingham Town.



When he came to Nottingham, he entered that part of the market

where butchers stood, and took up his inn[2] in the best place

he could find. Next, he opened his stall and spread his meat

upon the bench, then, taking his cleaver and steel and clattering

them together, he trolled aloud in merry tones:



[2] Stand for selling.



"Now come, ye lasses, and eke ye dames,

And buy your meat from me;

For three pennyworths of meat I sell

For the charge of one penny.



"Lamb have I that hath fed upon nought

But the dainty dames pied,

And the violet sweet, and the daffodil

That grow fair streams beside.



"And beef have I from the heathery words,

And mutton from dales all green,

And veal as white as a maiden's brow,

With its mother's milk, I ween.



"Then come, ye lasses, and eke ye dames,

Come, buy your meat from me,

For three pennyworths of meat I sell

For the charge of one penny."





Thus he sang blithely, while all who stood near listened amazedly.

Then, when he had finished, he clattered the steel and cleaver still

more loudly, shouting lustily, "Now, who'll buy? Who'll buy?

Four fixed prices have I. Three pennyworths of meat I sell to a

fat friar or priest for sixpence, for I want not their custom;

stout aldermen I charge threepence, for it doth not matter to me

whether they buy or not; to buxom dames I sell three pennyworths

of meat for one penny for I like their custom well; but to the bonny

lass that hath a liking for a good tight butcher I charge nought

but one fair kiss, for I like her custom the best of all."



Then all began to stare and wonder and crowd around, laughing,

for never was such selling heard of in all Nottingham Town;

but when they came to buy they found it as he had said,

for he gave goodwife or dame as much meat for one penny as they

could buy elsewhere for three, and when a widow or a poor woman

came to him, he gave her flesh for nothing; but when a merry lass

came and gave him a kiss, he charged not one penny for his meat;

and many such came to his stall, for his eyes were as blue as the skies

of June, and he laughed merrily, giving to each full measure.

Thus he sold his meat so fast that no butcher that stood near

him could sell anything.



Then they began to talk among themselves, and some said, "This must

be some thief who has stolen cart, horse, and meat"; but others said,

"Nay, when did ye ever see a thief who parted with his goods so

freely and merrily? This must be some prodigal who hath sold his

father's land, and would fain live merrily while the money lasts."

And these latter being the greater number, the others came round,

one by one to their way of thinking.



Then some of the butchers came to him to make his acquaintance.

"Come, brother," quoth one who was the head of them all,

"we be all of one trade, so wilt thou go dine with us?

For this day the Sheriff hath asked all the Butcher Guild to feast

with him at the Guild Hall. There will be stout fare and much

to drink, and that thou likest, or I much mistake thee."



"Now, beshrew his heart," quoth jolly Robin, "that would deny a butcher.

And, moreover, I will go dine with you all, my sweet lads, and that as fast

as I can hie." Whereupon, having sold all his meat, he closed his stall

and went with them to the great Guild Hall.



There the Sheriff had already come in state, and with him many butchers.

When Robin and those that were with him came in, all laughing

at some merry jest he had been telling them, those that were near

the Sheriff whispered to him, "Yon is a right mad blade, for he hath

sold more meat for one penny this day than we could sell for three,

and to whatsoever merry lass gave him a kiss he gave meat for nought."

And others said, "He is some prodigal that hath sold his land for silver

and gold, and meaneth to spend all right merrily."



Then the Sheriff called Robin to him, not knowing him in his

butcher's dress, and made him sit close to him on his right hand;

for he loved a rich young prodigal--especially when he thought that he might

lighten that prodigal's pockets into his own most worshipful purse.

So he made much of Robin, and laughed and talked with him more than

with any of the others.



At last the dinner was ready to be served and the Sheriff bade

Robin say grace, so Robin stood up and said, "Now Heaven bless

us all and eke good meat and good sack within this house,

and may all butchers be and remain as honest men as I am."



At this all laughed, the Sheriff loudest of all, for he said to himself,

"Surely this is indeed some prodigal, and perchance I may empty his

purse of some of the money that the fool throweth about so freely."

Then he spake aloud to Robin, saying, "Thou art a jolly young blade,

and I love thee mightily"; and he smote Robin upon the shoulder.



Then Robin laughed loudly too. "Yea," quoth he, "I know thou dost

love a jolly blade, for didst thou not have jolly Robin Hood at thy

shooting match and didst thou not gladly give him a bright golden

arrow for his own?"



At this the Sheriff looked grave and all the guild of butchers too,

so that none laughed but Robin, only some winked slyly at each other.



"Come, fill us some sack!" cried Robin. "Let us e'er be merry

while we may, for man is but dust, and he hath but a span to live

here till the worm getteth him, as our good gossip Swanthold sayeth;

so let life be merry while it lasts, say I. Nay, never look down i'

the mouth, Sir Sheriff. Who knowest but that thou mayest catch

Robin Hood yet, if thou drinkest less good sack and Malmsey, and bringest

down the fat about thy paunch and the dust from out thy brain.

Be merry, man."



Then the Sheriff laughed again, but not as though he liked the jest,

while the butchers said, one to another, "Before Heaven, never have

we seen such a mad rollicking blade. Mayhap, though, he will make

the Sheriff mad."



"How now, brothers," cried Robin, "be merry! nay, never count

over your farthings, for by this and by that I will pay

this shot myself, e'en though it cost two hundred pounds.

So let no man draw up his lip, nor thrust his forefinger into

his purse, for I swear that neither butcher nor Sheriff shall

pay one penny for this feast."



"Now thou art a right merry soul," quoth the Sheriff, "and I wot thou

must have many a head of horned beasts and many an acre of land,

that thou dost spend thy money so freely."



"Ay, that have I," quoth Robin, laughing loudly again, "five hundred

and more horned beasts have I and my brothers, and none of them

have we been able to sell, else I might not have turned butcher.

As for my land, I have never asked my steward how many acres I have."



At this the Sheriff's eyes twinkled, and he chuckled to himself.

"Nay, good youth," quoth he, "if thou canst not sell thy cattle,

it may be I will find a man that will lift them from thy hands;

perhaps that man may be myself, for I love a merry youth and would

help such a one along the path of life. Now how much dost thou

want for thy horned cattle?"



"Well," quoth Robin, "they are worth at least five hundred pounds."



"Nay," answered the Sheriff slowly, and as if he were thinking within himself,

"well do I love thee, and fain would I help thee along, but five hundred

pounds in money is a good round sum; besides I have it not by me.

Yet I will give thee three hundred pounds for them all, and that in good

hard silver and gold."



"Now thou old miser!" quoth Robin, "well thou knowest that so many horned

cattle are worth seven hundred pounds and more, and even that is but small

for them, and yet thou, with thy gray hairs and one foot in the grave,

wouldst trade upon the folly of a wild youth."



At this the Sheriff looked grimly at Robin. "Nay," quoth Robin,

"look not on me as though thou hadst sour beer in thy mouth, man.

I will take thine offer, for I and my brothers do need the money.

We lead a merry life, and no one leads a merry life for a farthing,

so I will close the bargain with thee. But mind that thou bringest

a good three hundred pounds with thee, for I trust not one that driveth

so shrewd a bargain."



"I will bring the money," said the Sheriff. "But what is

thy name, good youth?"



"Men call me Robert o' Locksley," quoth bold Robin.



"Then, good Robert o' Locksley," quoth the Sheriff, "I will come this

day to see thy horned beasts. But first my clerk shall draw up a paper

in which thou shalt be bound to the sale, for thou gettest not my money

without I get thy beasts in return."



Then Robin Hood laughed again. "So be it," he said, smiting his palm

upon the Sheriff's hand. "Truly my brothers will be thankful to thee

for thy money."



Thus the bargain was closed, but many of the butchers talked among

themselves of the Sheriff, saying that it was but a scurvy trick

to beguile a poor spendthrift youth in this way.



The afternoon had come when the Sheriff mounted his horse and joined

Robin Hood, who stood outside the gateway of the paved court waiting

for him, for he had sold his horse and cart to a trader for two marks.

Then they set forth upon their way, the Sheriff riding upon his

horse and Robin running beside him. Thus they left Nottingham Town

and traveled forward along the dusty highway, laughing and jesting

together as though they had been old friends. But all the time

the Sheriff said within himself, "Thy jest to me of Robin Hood shall

cost thee dear, good fellow, even four hundred pounds, thou fool."

For he thought he would make at least that much by his bargain.



So they journeyed onward till they came within the verge of Sherwood Forest,

when presently the Sheriff looked up and down and to the right and

to the left of him, and then grew quiet and ceased his laughter.

"Now," quoth he, "may Heaven and its saints preserve us this day from

a rogue men call Robin Hood."



Then Robin laughed aloud. "Nay," said he, "thou mayst set thy mind at rest,

for well do I know Robin Hood and well do I know that thou art in no more

danger from him this day than thou art from me."



At this the Sheriff looked askance at Robin, saying to himself,

"I like not that thou seemest so well acquainted with this bold outlaw,

and I wish that I were well out of Sherwood Forest."



But still they traveled deeper into the forest shades, and the deeper

they went, the more quiet grew the Sheriff. At last they came

to where the road took a sudden bend, and before them a herd of dun

deer went tripping across the path. Then Robin Hood came close

to the Sheriff and pointing his finger, he said, "These are my

horned beasts, good Master Sheriff. How dost thou like them?

Are they not fat and fair to see?"



At this the Sheriff drew rein quickly. "Now fellow," quoth he,

"I would I were well out of this forest, for I like not thy company.

Go thou thine own path, good friend, and let me but go mine."



But Robin only laughed and caught the Sheriff's bridle rein.

"Nay," cried he, "stay awhile, for I would thou shouldst see

my brothers, who own these fair horned beasts with me."

So saying, he clapped his bugle to his mouth and winded three

merry notes, and presently up the path came leaping fivescore

good stout yeomen with Little John at their head.



"What wouldst thou have, good master?" quoth Little John.



"Why," answered Robin, "dost thou not see that I have brought

goodly company to feast with us today? Fye, for shame!

Do you not see our good and worshipful master, the Sheriff

of Nottingham? Take thou his bridle, Little John, for he has

honored us today by coming to feast with us."



Then all doffed their hats humbly, without smiling or seeming to be in jest,

while Little John took the bridle rein and led the palfrey still deeper into

the forest, all marching in order, with Robin Hood walking beside the Sheriff,

hat in hand.



All this time the Sheriff said never a word but only looked

about him like one suddenly awakened from sleep; but when he found

himself going within the very depths of Sherwood his heart sank

within him, for he thought, "Surely my three hundred pounds

will be taken from me, even if they take not my life itself,

for I have plotted against their lives more than once."

But all seemed humble and meek and not a word was said of danger,

either to life or money.



So at last they came to that part of Sherwood Forest where a noble oak

spread its branches wide, and beneath it was a seat all made of moss,

on which Robin sat down, placing the Sheriff at his right hand.

"Now busk ye, my merry men all," quoth he, "and bring forth the best

we have, both of meat and wine, for his worship the Sheriff hath

feasted me in Nottingham Guild Hall today, and I would not have him

go back empty."



All this time nothing had been said of the Sheriff's money,

so presently he began to pluck up heart. "For," said he to himself,

"maybe Robin Hood hath forgotten all about it."



Then, while beyond in the forest bright fires crackled and savory

smells of sweetly roasting venison and fat capons filled the glade,

and brown pasties warmed beside the blaze, did Robin Hood

entertain the Sheriff right royally. First, several couples

stood forth at quarterstaff, and so shrewd were they at the game,

and so quickly did they give stroke and parry, that the Sheriff,

who loved to watch all lusty sports of the kind, clapped his hands,

forgetting where he was, and crying aloud, "Well struck!

Well struck, thou fellow with the black beard!" little knowing

that the man he called upon was the Tinker that tried to serve

his warrant upon Robin Hood.



Then several yeomen came forward and spread cloths upon

the green grass, and placed a royal feast; while others still

broached barrels of sack and Malmsey and good stout ale, and set

them in jars upon the cloth, with drinking horns about them.

Then all sat down and feasted and drank merrily together until

the sun was low and the half-moon glimmered with a pale light

betwixt the leaves of the trees overhead.



Then the Sheriff arose and said, "I thank you all, good yeomen,

for the merry entertainment ye have given me this day.

Right courteously have ye used me, showing therein that ye

have much respect for our glorious King and his deputy in

brave Nottinghamshire. But the shadows grow long, and I must away

before darkness comes, lest I lose myself within the forest."



Then Robin Hood and all his merry men arose also, and Robin said

to the Sheriff, "If thou must go, worshipful sir, go thou must;

but thou hast forgotten one thing."



"Nay, I forgot nought," said the Sheriff; yet all the same his heart

sank within him.



"But I say thou hast forgot something," quoth Robin. "We keep

a merry inn here in the greenwood, but whoever becometh our guest

must pay his reckoning."



Then the Sheriff laughed, but the laugh was hollow. "Well, jolly boys,"

quoth he, "we have had a merry time together today, and even if ye had

not asked me, I would have given you a score of pounds for the sweet

entertainment I have had."



"Nay," quoth Robin seriously, "it would ill beseem us to treat Your Worship

so meanly. By my faith, Sir Sheriff, I would be ashamed to show my

face if I did not reckon the King's deputy at three hundred pounds.

Is it not so, my merry men all?"



Then "Ay!" cried all, in a loud voice.



"Three hundred devils!" roared the Sheriff. "Think ye that your beggarly

feast was worth three pounds, let alone three hundred?"



"Nay," quoth Robin gravely. "Speak not so roundly, Your Worship. I do love

thee for the sweet feast thou hast given me this day in merry Nottingham Town;

but there be those here who love thee not so much. If thou wilt look down

the cloth thou wilt see Will Stutely, in whose eyes thou hast no great favor;

then two other stout fellows are there here that thou knowest not, that were

wounded in a brawl nigh Nottingham Town, some time ago--thou wottest when;

one of them was sore hurt in one arm, yet he hath got the use of it again.

Good Sheriff, be advised by me; pay thy score without more ado, or maybe it

may fare ill with thee."



As he spoke the Sheriff's ruddy cheeks grew pale, and he said

nothing more but looked upon the ground and gnawed his nether lip.

Then slowly he drew forth his fat purse and threw it upon the cloth

in front of him.



"Now take the purse, Little John," quoth Robin Hood, "and see

that the reckoning be right. We would not doubt our Sheriff,

but he might not like it if he should find he had not paid

his full score."



Then Little John counted the money and found that the bag held three

hundred pounds in silver and gold. But to the Sheriff it seemed as if

every clink of the bright money was a drop of blood from his veins.

And when he saw it all counted out in a heap of silver and gold,

filling a wooden platter, he turned away and silently mounted his horse.



"Never have we had so worshipful a guest before!" quoth Robin,

"and, as the day waxeth late, I will send one of my young men

to guide thee out of the forest depths."



"Nay, Heaven forbid!" cried the Sheriff hastily. "I can find mine own way,

good man, without aid."



"Then I will put thee on the right track mine own self,"

quoth Robin, and, taking the Sheriff's horse by the bridle rein,

he led him into the main forest path. Then, before he let

him go, he said, "Now, fare thee well, good Sheriff,

and when next thou thinkest to despoil some poor prodigal,

remember thy feast in Sherwood Forest. `Ne'er buy a horse,

good friend, without first looking into its mouth,' as our good

gaffer Swanthold says. And so, once more, fare thee well."

Then he clapped his hand to the horse's back, and off went nag

and Sheriff through the forest glades.



Then bitterly the Sheriff rued the day that first he meddled

with Robin Hood, for all men laughed at him and many ballads

were sung by folk throughout the country, of how the Sheriff

went to shear and came home shorn to the very quick.

For thus men sometimes overreach themselves through greed and guile.

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